Immersion in Seoul via Homestay

September 18, 2010

Have you been wondering why I’ve been AWOL? Well, I’ve been in prison. Not the literal kind thankfully, but the homestay kind. A homestay so far without internet access and my cell isn’t working internationally it seems. I finally was able to use their phone last night to call family to say I was okay. So I took a homestay position with a wealthy family who has one 3 year old son. We’ll see if I last the 3 months I said I’d stay! I’ve only been here 4 days and I’ve almost left several times. Right now I’m aiming to make a month. I’m just trying to focus on what the homestay will allow me to do later in the year.

The first day I almost left because she insisted on either keeping my passport or half my pay in her bank account until my 3 months was up. This was because she wasn’t sure if she could trust me yet, but there was no way I was going to trust her that much either. So we came to another agreement.

I lived with a family a couple of summers in college as a nanny and had a wonderful experience. This one is much more difficult because of the cultural differences and language barriers. The expectations of me are vastly different than in the US and to me very unreasonable.

I help the family 6! days a week doing housekeeping (not what I had in mind) and teaching the woman and boy English. I don’t think the 6 day work week is Korean practice because some of my Korean friends were surprised at this. During the 6 days I am “on call” the entire time. The woman’s idea of my free time is having dinner with them and doing flashcards with the boy at the table. She hates for me to think of this as work, but rather to see him as my son or brother and her as my sister. After 4 days I don’t think so. She seems to have many personalities; grocery shopping yesterday she took my hand and held it as we walked and asked if we were friends and then later she is commanding me to do this and that. She does know the word please, but I’ve only heard it once. In Korean Confucian tradition she also reminded me that even though we are the same age she is married and has a child. The implication is then that she is superior to me. Also, because she is my employer, I her servant. Hard to swallow as an American (my tongue is going to start bleeding for all of the biting of it I do).

I’ve included a picture of my room and the building. The boy has 3 playrooms and in one of them I lay out blankets at night to sleep on. I do have my own bathroom, which after the hostels is a delight.

We have had some nice times and even she does feed me a lot of food. Actually my first night here the husband took us all out to dinner to celebrate me moving in. We went to a nice Chinese restaurant. I accidentally ate a climp of fried tiny fish. They looked like greens and I missed the eyeballs when I glanced at the bowl. Needless, to say I had no more of that! And today we went to a water park, Everland, which is owned by Samsung. Overall it was enjoyable and nice to get in the sun a bit.

The homestay is definitely giving me a full immersion into Korean culture although I don’t know how much is Korean practice and how much is this family’s. The boy gets whatever he wants as long as he cries. If “spoiling” the child (as we would call it in America) is Korean practice it might be because of the Korean aversion to displaying anger and frustration so parents try to keep their children from crying. Although I did see a mother energetically spank her child on the street the other day. The boy also has no schedule for eating or sleeping. It’s what works into the day and how he feels. Last night he had Burger King at 9pm. Actually he is a cute kid and usually well behaved.

The night before my “servitude” began I hung out with my new friend that I met at the spa in Busan as well as her friend. We had a nice dinner and then walked along a mall that had statues of famous Korean historical figures. One was King Sejong and we went to a small exhibit about him that was beneath the statue (I’ve included pictures). He does have a pretty impressive record. He was the first to unite Korea and came up with the Korean alphabet while rejecting the Chinese characters. He hoped for more people of all classes to be able to write and express themselves. This raised much alarm among the Chinese government and the elite of Korea. He also came up with new weapons (the first multi-arrow launcher) and laid down laws that tried to be just and protect the weak. I’m sure he has some skeletons in his closet too, but those were left out. He is highly esteemed here.

Near this area is a palace I hope to visit soon. There are more ancient and historic sites in Seoul than Busan because the city is further away from Japan. When the Pacific War (WWII) broke out Busan was decimated as Japan was still fighting to occupy Korea. Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to visit a lot of these places before I go. Also near this mall is a river walk that is only a few years old. The river is only about 15 feet wide, but it is nice to walk along (the picture from my previous post was from here). I really enjoyed both of the women and hope I get to see them more on some of my Sunday’s off.

I’ll stop my ranting – I apologize and appreciate you sticking with the post. :) I have made some interesting observations about Seoul (or, again, maybe some are just my family’s way). First, the windy streets of downtown Manhattan look easy to drive compared to the streets here. There are wide boulevards, but when you get off of those there are one lane roads that wind and turn. The woman (I’ll call her Jenny, many Koreans also take English names) doesn’t even totally know her way around her neighborhood. To complicate matters more, the one lane roads have traffic in both directions and cars parked along the side. She asked today if I wanted to drive and even though I’ve driven in Boston, New York, Crete, Spain and Italy, I declined. There’s no reason for me to and it would probably end in a car accident and my heart palpitations acting up on me again. I also didn’t want to for safety’s sake, which you’ll read more about below.

The notion of safety is different from in America. She has mentioned several times that the boy isn’t being safe, including when he was standing backwards in the passenger seat. Now the problem wasn’t that he had no seat belt on and was not in a car seat, but that he was standing. She also will drive with him sitting on the console between the front two seats while she has one hand around him. I was very surprised in a modernized country and with a wealthy family that they don’t enforce car seat laws – or even seat belt ones for that matter. She said he didn’t like the car seat so they stopped using it. She also uses her cell a lot driving. Are the American mothers reading this about to blow a casket? I’ve tried to look at other cars and notice most people wear seat belts, but it isn’t unusual to see people who don’t. I haven’t been able to “test” the baby seat practice except seeing one car with a toddler who also was not in a baby seat.

Koreans have an obsession with cleanliness, but then there are contradictions (as there always are in life). After the water park, we used the locker rooms that had showers because as Jenny said the water there is “poison.” However, there were no sinks in the bathroom (the first I’ve seen of that here). At a restaurant, Jenny freaked out when some of the boy’s (let’s call him Seo) spaghetti fell on the table and we had to immediately cut off the contaminated part (oh, scissors are used instead of the more aggressive knives). Yet she wants me to eat food that this boy hands me after he has been sneezing, picking his nose and touching places I don’t want to think about. However, street vendors will sell food from a collander that is sitting on the pavement as cars drive by. We have to vacuum and wipe the floors each day. I say wipe because no mop is involved, just rags and water. How I long for my Swiffer with the long handle! Thank goodness my yoga has helped me with my squatting, but I still have a bit of trouble.

One thing I miss is napkins. The restaurants usually have something basic, but Koreans don’t seem to use them and at the house they aren’t provided. I grab a tissue. Actually, I can’t figure out what Jenny dries her hands on after working at the sink because there is no towel or paper towel (although there is a paper towel holder) – maybe her clothes. Again, I grab tissues. :)

Laundry: Before the clothes are washed in the machine they are soaked in a bowl of soapy water and handwashed. Then they wash again in the machine. Like many countries outside the US, dryers are nowhere to be seen, even in a household of a well-to-do family. So they hang dry on an indoor patio that is more like a hallway that lines the outer length of the apartment.

Bathrooms are made so that the floors can get wet. Actually, the shower that the family uses has no curtain or door so the floor gets drenched. This construction does make it easier to bathe a child and not have to worry about water getting everywhere. You wear special plastic slippers in the bathroom. In the rest of the house you can wear other slippers, go barefoot or wear socks.

Much of Seoul was built up rapidly and architectural design seemed to have gone to the wayside. Most people in the cities live in huge apartment buildings that lack style and look alike. I must say though that our US embassy did not add to the beauty of the landscape.

The boy sleeps in the bedroom with his parents. I’ve heard of this more in societies where family is emphasized over the individual. I’m not sure when he gets his own room.

What I witnessed the other night I really hope is not a cultural custom, but some family thing. I was at the dinner table with Seo and he said he had to go the bathroom. His mother was in the room and heard and walked out. I thought she went to the bathroom and I was going to bring him there. I started to move his high chair back and she came with a plastic cup. He stood at the head of the table, pulled his pants down and peed into the cup! This is the most shocking thing I’ve seen.

I am always fascinated with cultural practices and want to know how they originated. I try not to place judgment on cultural traditions, but when you come from another culture some things can be an adjustment. It might not be right for me because of my upbringing, but it works for the others. Peeing in a cup at the dinner table though – and in a country so concerned with cleanliness!

Time for bed... I have my free day tomorrow so will publish this then.

Well, I guess I made up for not being able to post for several days! My posts will likely be shorter in the future. :) Do you feel like you deserve a gold star for getting through the whole post? You do!!!