May 12, 2011
My mind is swirling with all that I’ve witnessed and experienced in Kashmir with my new family friends. It is a stunning lush land composed of mountains, valleys, plains and lakes. I would love to come back here and do some backpacking. After a fun day of seeing the family’s rug and scarf warehouses in Delhi, my mom, John, our host and I flew to Srinagar. Flying in the mountains connected to the Himalayas was a wonderful sight. The snowy peaks poked through the clouds.
(I had an organizational hiccup while uploading photos so the first horse photos actually belong further down with the other horse ones.)
Driving into Srinagar I saw more police than I’ve seen anywhere except NYC after 9/11 – even Israel. And they are all carrying serious weapons. The US State Department advises Americans not to travel to Kashmir and especially having our travels come on the heels of bin Laden’s death made for poor timing, but we have felt safe being with our local friends. The US also urges you to avoid traveling with a big group of tourists so at least we weren’t. From everyone we hear that things are more stable now. We haven’t seen too many other westerners, but I’ve spotted maybe six.
One man was telling us that during some of the most heated moments of the conflict no one went out of their home after 5pm and there were firefights. This man ran a family business selling paper mache (it’s gorgeous and looks like lacquerware), but most of his customers were foreigners. He said Indian tourists just buy shawls. Kashmir used to draw many foreign travelers, but due to the conflict few come now. The overall economy has really suffered and his business floundered. He changed his inventory to shawls and clothing. Another person spoke of the cruelty of both the Indian forces and the militants at the time. They both killed innocents. She has more confidence in the Indian forces now because the “bad seeds” were removed.
The city still seems to be prosperous – I’ve seen many large nice homes. Domestic tourism is still a thriving industry. However, I’ve been told the job opportunities are limited here so those with higher education leave the area. This man’s son went to New Zealand and his daughter is about to marry and move to Mauritius. I wonder what this region will look like in 10 or 20 years. Hopefully, safety continues to improve and the foreigners return.
The brother our hostess took me to meet his friend who is a Deputy Commander of a Central Reserve Police Force battalion in Srinagar. It was very interesting to meet her and she also seemed to like the unusual opportunity as well. She said there are about 30 such battalions in the city, each consisting of 1500 people. No wonder the streets are full of police! Her battalion covers about six kilometers of land. They focus on suppressing militants, insurgents and terrorists. The forces on the street are supposed to show the government’s presence and dominance. She helped me differentiate the groups. Militants are those who are supported by an outside country. In contrast, insurgents have the local peoples support. Terrorists have neither another country’s support nor the peoples support. They focus on spreading terror and panic. She said the insurgents are the hardest to confront because they have the peoples support. She said they have to be careful about human rights violations because even if the people are supporting the insurgents with weapons, money, food, etc. they are considered innocent if hurt when not carrying a weapon. She said the insurgents are strong here and their aim is independence. I saw wall graffiti that read, “Indians leave Kasmir.”
The Kashmiris yearning for independence do not consider themselves Indian. Kashmir was independent until 1947 when India and Pakistan were created in the post-colonial era. I’m not sure how Kashmir independence now is really practical since Pakistan and India both are willing to fight for it. It wouldn’t have the strength to stand on its own, whether it would be right for it to be independent or not. From what the Deputy Commander and others have said, the educated population here does not want independence and also does not support the movement to join with Pakistan. Kashmir is populated by mostly Muslims and the more fanatical ones apparently see India as a Hindu country and don’t want to be part of it. She said most of those who want to join Pakistan are actually from Saudi Arabia so it’s not even a true homegrown movement. Again, I’ve been told the educated Muslims here don’t see a necessary division between Hindus and Muslims. The family that’s been hosting us is Muslim, but the Deputy Commander is Hindu. I’ve met other Hindu friends of the family member who took me to meet the Deputy Commander. Education doesn’t always solve prejudice, but it really does make a difference.
The Deputy Commander was such a thoughtful host. She had tea and snacks brought for us and had four of her men do a salute drill for me which was a thrill. They also said their names and ID numbers. They are from various parts of India and of different religions.
She’s been in the force 14 years, with six of that in Srinagar. She was also in the northeast where there are other separatist movements. India is just so diverse and the struggle for a national identity and loyalty continues. She joined the force because she felt the need to prove women are physically strong. She doesn’t feel women’s intellect is questioned now, but our physical strength is. She said she’s faced some difficult situations because of sexism. And she apparently has had trouble with promotions though my friend thinks she’ll be promoted to commander soon. She heralded Obama as a gentleman, but also pointed out that Americans weren’t ready to elect a woman president since Hillary Clinton didn’t get the nomination or election. She proudly said they have had a woman Prime Minister, Indira Gandhi.
She walked us to her home across the street where we met her young daughter home from school for lunch. She also wanted to give me a tour of the hospital, but my friend and I were running very late so had to leave. She walked us to the car. Coming into the secure barracks to begin with we were forced to stop at checkpoints and walk through barbwire pathways, but when she escorted us out the officers moved all the street barriers so we just had a clear road. All the officers of course saluted her. Such an amazing experience to meet her! She really wants me to visit again and I hope I get to. I have little say about my schedule here so we’ll see. (I never did get to see her again though I mentioned it several times. Hopefully, I’ll get her address though.)
Enough about the politics and the conflicts here – the scenery and sights are breathtaking. The Mughal Empire controlled this land so there are many remnants of their stay, especially gorgeously manicured gardens and a fort. There are also special mosques. One mosque is said to have a hair of Mohammed and another 15th century one has a tomb to a saint (Madin Sahib – sp?) who could fly to Mecca on a stone slab. The mountains tower around the city and we got to drive up into them. We’ve spent a lot of time in cars! :) And it turns out that tourists can’t ride in the mountains in private cars so we’ve had to hire tourist drivers. My first thought was it was for security reasons, but it is just about making money. The same law is enforced in other parts of India we found out. We first visited Gulmarg, which has a gondola so we got up into the snow. Unfortunately, the human impact is not attractive, but the natural setting is stunning. The mountains connect to the Himalayas so I’ve been close!
We passed the test to get into the Dachigam National Park. They don’t allow “commoners” into the park because there is not a large consciousness of how to protect nature. Our passports were even recorded. In Gulmarg, we saw lots of garbage about and I think that’s why this park has such restrictions. Once we were in the park I threw a wilted flower someone had given me earlier on the ground and the ranger came hurrying over to see if I had littered. He was relieved it was just the flower. But this tight oversight has made this park pristine and gorgeous. The park is home to more than 250 bird species in the summer and over 500 plant species! I must say Kashiri has more large birds, especially eagles, than I’ve seen anywhere else. They are constantly in view. We didn’t have much time here and didn’t walk much, but saw a few good overlooks, a hangal (sp?) deer that’s only here, and caged animals (this I find sad). The animals are only kept for the spectators, not for rehabilitation.
We also did an overnight trip to Pahalgam. We drove about 3 ½ hours through beautiful scenery of mountains and villages – though the car lulled me to sleep for a bit. We even passed gypsies and their tents. We saw wedding guests dancing in the street. The snow melt has made rushing rivers and white water rafting is popular. We stayed in a “hut” that was a nice rustic house.
A nice surprise about the Pahalgam visit was that three members of the extended family joined us. Our host is cousins with the woman and her daughter is marrying his son in July. It is common here to marry cousins or relatives that are further removed. I guess they like the security of “keeping it in the family.” The daughter is 30 and very sweet. We had fun talking and she filled me in about her upcoming wedding. It will last 7-8 days and both sets of parents will host the 600 guests in their homes. Both homes will get new paint jobs and maybe new rugs and tents will be put in the yard. The groom’s family comes to the bride’s home at one point, but the reverse doesn’t happen. Each family hosts their own guests. And within the homes and tents men and women are mostly separated. We later toured the huge home of the bride’s family after a tea and saw large rooms that will be for the men and women. Each sex gets a tent too. Honeymoons are not part of the tradition here, but I think some people are starting to take them. For a couple of months after the wedding the couple will be busy visiting various family and friends who invite them for meals and such.
I was fortunate a few days later to quickly meet another bride during her wedding. A sweet 15 year girl walked me through the dark rainy streets to the bride’s home. The bride was wearing a 17 kilogram dress that was stunning and so intricately decorated with beads and stones! She was very weary of the weight and right after we took our picture she took the veil off. It was sweet of her to take time to greet me and we posed with her photographer for a couple of photos too. Her friend was making garland for the groom made from silver painted cardamom seeds (I think it was cardamom). I didn’t stay long, but such a thrill. I was also invited to the July wedding, but unfortunately I’ll be somewhere in Africa. Don’t we all wish we could do it all! :)
The Phalagam stay reminded me so much of Colorado with the roaring river and sharp snowy peaks. And we were in a rustic cabin of sorts. All it needed was a fireplace! They don’t seem to put those in homes. Traditionally you will have a small metal pot filled with coals to sit next to for warmth. I got a cold while I was there, but it was worth it. I find it humorous that in cars the locals seem content to have the air warm and stuffy, but in the home they open all the doors and have the cold air fill the house.
Our one morning in Phalagam four of us went horseback riding. Mom and I didn’t know it was being planned, but we were informed at dinner about it. John chose not to do it. The bride-to-be joined us and the brother of our hostess. The horses are insanely small. They are the height of American ponies, but still much narrower. My horse was the smallest of the bunch and across its shoulders was only one foot! I tried to get a picture to show how narrow it is, but you’ll have to excuse that it’s out of focus because the horse was bobbing along.
We had two guides with us, but neither was on a horse. One constantly held my horse so I felt like I was 5 years old again learning to ride. I tried to get him to stop and he would for a bit, but then he’d grab it again. Very annoying! It also was dangerous on the rocky and muddy up and downhill because the horse couldn’t chose its own path and didn’t have the use of his head to help balance. The guides also used sticks to hit the horses and one guide even kicked one in the rump twice! The horse went barreling off in panic. The same man came running towards mine which made my jalopy of a horse start to run. I told them not to hit my horse of scare it. I found it a disgusting way to treat animals, but also unsafe. I had never heard of anyone kicking a horse! I think this is one example where the guides probably prefer local customers because they don’t seem to mind the treatment.
The horses moved at walking pace so a hike would’ve sufficed, but it was nice to get up into the mountains more. We saw many women collecting fire wood – makes the forest look very manicured. We also had a rest in a huge grassy area, which gave us a chance to stretch our legs. There were timber homes for summer use by local sheep herders. Only one home was occupied yet as summer is just starting. The family we did meet was made up of a father, his daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. The father was lying sick on the floor and asking if we had pain medicine. Unfortunately, because we were only riding we didn’t have our purses. His son in law was in the village getting medicine though. Mom and I asked our family friend if we should offer some money for medicine and he said this family wasn’t poor that they have plenty of wealth in their sheep. Such a different perspective because to look at their home it’s hard for me to imagine the residents are poor. We saw the dog that herds and protects the sheep and apparently will even fight a bear to keep the sheep safe. After a 3 ½ hour ride we got back to the “hut” and had a delicious lunch (I’m loving the Kashmiri food) before heading back. Our departure was delayed by a flat tire though. The roads are so terrible that this is a common problem.
When we arrived back in Srinagar the other family invited us in for tea and it was such a treat. It was wonderful to see another home and they were so sweet offering us so many treats and tea. As we left they gave us a gift of the paper mache. They are beautiful pieces with floral designs. I received a jewelry box and Mom and John got a bowl. We just can’t get over the generosity of hospitality here. The family also said they wished they could have us for dinner, but we weren’t there long enough.
Mom and John flew to Delhi on a Friday night and I was to start my journey to McLeod Ganj early the next morning. We all headed to the airport in two cars. I was driving with the brother and we stopped in front of a police area and next thing I know his friend, a commander or something, is getting in the car with us. With his authority we were able to bypass much of the traffic. The family also tried to get Mom and John into the airport without going through the line – it eventually worked, but it took just as much time. So much pulling of strings here!
I spent the night at the brother’s house because his neighbor was scheduled to take me to Jammu at 6am. I think he has a share taxi, but either way he was going there with or without me. So I packed my bags and moved into the home built by our hostess and her brother’s father. Their father died before it was finished and some of the upper rooms are still incomplete.
This household includes the brother, his wife, daughter (about 1 ½ years old), his sister and her daughter (about 11). They made a delicious dinner – they eat around 10pm. The sister was so warm hearted and said she wished I was part of the family and came to Kashmir often. She said if she had a son she would offer him in an arranged marriage to me. She still offered to arrange a marriage for me. It is interesting because I’ve been asked when I’m getting married. As a single person in India you might be able to answer this because of the arranged marriage tradition, but in the US nailing down a time when you’re single is a crap shoot. The brother wants me to work with him selling Kashmiri handicrafts in the US. So apparently I have a husband and new career all figured out!
I was anxious that night though because a general strike had been called for the next day. The strike was to protest the treatment of prisoners and all were asked to not work. The man who called it does this frequently I guess and mostly the day is regarded as a holiday. However, the strike days can turn violent so there was concern about driving to Jammu. I went to bed not knowing if the driver was going or not and woke way past our departure time so knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
Srinigar didn’t seem to have violence, but the driver wasn’t sure of other parts of the region so we stayed put. The family had a couple of visitors, including a single man. I thought we were staying in the house all day for safety, but all of a sudden I was asked if I was ready to leave. The household (except the daughter in school) headed out. The single man also joined us so I suspect a subtle first meeting had been arranged, but maybe I’m reading into this. There was one area in Srinigar that stone throwing at cars had occurred. The drivers were all asking one another if it was safe to go in the direction they were heading. The throwing had stopped when we came to the spot, but I did see some stones in the road. We drove further in the mountains and visited a royal palace and temple area from 1000 years ago. It was built by a Hindu ruler and is mostly in ruins, but it was fun to see.
We headed on and at one point stopped to buy snacks and drinks for the car. Well, I thought for the car. But soon we were driving off the main road and into an orchard. Then we were driving off that road and going between the trees! We had a little picnic at the orchard owned by this family as it turns out. It was a full day, but fun.
I was still anxious about making my retreat because I lost my one day cushion. To get to McLeod Ganj I needed to take a bus/share taxi to Jammu and from there a bus to Pathankot. And from there I needed yet another bus to McLeod Ganj. The family I was staying with hoped I would stay with their relatives in Jammu and it would’ve been nice, but I wouldn’t arrive at my retreat on time. The brother kept insisting it would be fine and that he thought the times were flexible for the retreat and even which day I arrived. I really had to push, because my other not so subtle comments were not being heeded. So I finally had to directly say something like “you are going to make me miss my retreat; it would be nice, but, no, I cannot stay with your family.” After not being able to do the Thailand retreat I couldn’t believe that I was yet again close to missing out on another retreat. He also was trying to get me to cancel the retreat and hang around in Kashmir for longer because there was still so much to see.
There is a bit of a culture shock regarding the hospitality. The hosts here are extremely generous and pour all their effort into making sure you are happy. And each meal is a feast. Even friends of our host would offer tea and one even hoped I could spend the night at his home with his family. The hosts decide on the plans for the day(s), but do not ask for input or what you’d like to do. They decide on what they’d like you to see and experience. And often we headed off in the car with little or no idea where we were going. Often we waited around the house for hours and then all of a sudden, “hurry, hurry, go, go!” Sometimes we stopped the car and sat for a while with no idea why. When we mentioned things we’d like to do or needed to do it was ignored. I had continually brought up needing to use the internet to make some plans (knowing I was hopefully heading into 10 days of silence) and I just wasn’t getting the opportunity. Finally, I had to very forcefully say, “No, I can’t go to the museum, I have to use the internet.” And the same went when I was making my plans to get to McLeod Ganj for the retreat as I’ve described above. We never did get to go to any shops or walk around the village of Phalagam though I mentioned both. They only showed us what they had to sell. They don’t sell the traditional baskets, cashmere sweaters, or jewelry and I wanted to see that as well.
I’ve also heard other travelers’ say you have to be very direct and forceful with what you want to do or where you want to go when interacting with Indians. The culture is just different. There seems to be no offense taken by this. When you really start to experience another culture in depth it can become quite a challenge to remain patient and open-minded. It’s so easy to default to the assumption that “your way” is better, but it’s really about ignorance. It’s about learning to navigate the new culture effectively and understanding your culture’s way just handles the situation differently. Communication is definitely one of the more frustrating differences for me to contend with. Indians also won’t say “I don’t know” because they don’t want to lose face, but this can lead to lots of confusion for a westerner.
A few odds and ends I wanted to mention about Kashmir. One of the family members gave me his perspective on some of the class divisions in Srinagar. He said that the street cleaners and boat people are the lowest classes. Those on the land don’t want to deal with the boat people beyond what’s necessary. The younger brother also said one must respect elders, and that included siblings. Sorry, sis, your two years on me doesn’t get you much obedience from me. :) Of course, that obedience, didn’t seem to exclude doing things in secret – like visiting the Deputy Commander. This ranking system seems to lead to command-like comments from the “top dog” – o r at least that was how one family operated. It also seemed that John’s happiness was more significant than Mom and mine in the eyes of our male host. Ours mattered too, but John got more questions in this regard.
The newspaper printed the results of professional exams. The chart included the name of the test taker, his/her father and the score. Talk about pressure!
I’ve noticed that like much of Asia lighter skin is preferred in India. One Kashmiri woman commented to me (in front of her daughter) that her daughter was a bit dark. I also heard another say northern Indians are more attractive than southern ones and they are lighter skinned. I don’t think the two points were disconnected in his mind. It’s such a shame that the world over (it seems) there is a general discrimination and preference for a trait that is out of our control and says nothing about who we intrinsically are.
I’ll fill you in a little on the home life. The stove is attached to a portable propane tank and there didn’t seem to be an oven. The family had three “servants” and there seemed to be quarters for them, but I don’t know if any lived there. Again, human labor is so cheap that it’s affordable for “the rich” to have a servant(s). At the same time, one might not be able to afford certain material conveniences or luxuries. One servant is an older man and he seemed to be able to be part of the family more. They did much of the cooking, dishwashing, etc. A laundryman came every few days to pick up items and he brought them back the next day. Largely the family sat on the floor and used pillows for comfort, but at times opted for their couch and chairs. My bathroom was spacious with a squat toilet. For some reasons the sink and bathing tap would give me electric shocks. They came and went and some were so minor that I could work through them, but others shook the muscles in my upper arm. So using the bathroom became a bit scary! I also couldn’t get any cold water so I had to fill my bucket the day before and let the extremely hot water cool and then add hot when I was ready to bathe. Mom and John had a bathroom with a western toilet, but, like mine, the shower didn’t work. It was also a bucket wash. If the air isn’t cold and the buckets are clean I don’t mind the bucket wash. It is much more ecofriendly.
In one of my car rides the driver started dozing! I woke him and we were safe, but I became quite chatty after that to keep him awake. It also seems that the warnings against drinking and driving have not penetrated Indian culture yet. AIDS/HIV is an increasing problem here and in part because talking about sex is taboo so education isn’t widespread. In Srinagar, I saw two billboards side by side that warned against AIDS/HIV, but only said “educate yourself” and “get tested.” There was no mention of sex or condoms. Another billboard elsewhere in town visually showed ways you don’t get HIV/AIDS, but yet again no indication of how you get it or to use condoms.
There was a lot of road work going on in parts of Srinagar and men were hand painting the lines on the road! Labor is so cheap that this is seen as a better option than a truck that does it much faster. I think that is one of the negative consequences of getting caught up in wanting cheap labor because the manual labor makes everything take so much longer. The laborers cannot hope to improve their economic situation given such poor wages and the infrastructure is not developed. Of course, if machines are brought in new jobs have to be created for those whose labor is made unnecessary.
This week in Kashmir gave me wonderful memories of the striking landscape and a chance to meet some amazing kind people. I also saw a side of Indian life, Kashmiri specifically, that a regular tourist wouldn’t see. As the time of heavy socialized drew to a close I began my journey to the silent retreat – what a contrast!
